You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
