so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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