Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Come share oat with me in your robe
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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