Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
