went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
