It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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