I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
