me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
