I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
