Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
