So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
