Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
