Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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