Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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