I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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