do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
