If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
