I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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