you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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