shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
