Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
