you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
