The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
