love makes seman taste better
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
