he wants to bone in the snuggie
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
