saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
