If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
