$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
