I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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