considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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