You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's shark week go big or go home
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
