Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
and you fell through a lawn chair
I am mentally ready for anal.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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