he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
