I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize