What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
