The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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