i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
