I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
