Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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