Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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