when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
