Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
