Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
