it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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