apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Why did my mother make you get naked?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
