Even the bartender felt bad for me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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