How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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