I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
