So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
