matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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