I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Still dying that you shit outside
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
