dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
