The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
