I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
