if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
