Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
