Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish you could order shots online.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
