question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
