You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
