A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
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you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
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I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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