She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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