If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
