you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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