You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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