ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
