I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
