connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
