Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
