Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
