In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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