I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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