You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
