I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
