I accidentally burped into my bong.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
